That happens to me

relato a veces pasa

Illustration by Gema Galán

That happens to me. I get lost. I look around and wave and smile and even pretend I’m normal. But inside my pupils I get lost. The doctor said that I can’t focus and I try to put everything inside. China, the road, the cold, the words, the slams, the salt, the conversation from yesterday at 4pm. Then everything eclipses everything. There are no edges. It’s a textbook fade out. I asked him what is the cure. He said I can’t treat it by myself because I don’t have balls so I need someone who does it for me. “Who? To do what for me?” I repplied while thinking about my mother, the only human being who would do everything for me. “Someone who pushes you into the space. Someone who smacks the shit out of you. Someone who tells you the truth. The one that chaps your lips when you say it but it doesn’t make you cry just pushes you forward” “How do I look for someone like that?” “Easy. You don’t.”